This week was supposed to be the biggest of my career. For starters, I'd be returning to my favorite wrestling promotion AIW and having a a title match. The following day I'd finally be making my pro wrestling debut for CZW. A company I saw as my first live independent show at 16 and in the same arena non the less that I made my wrestling debut for CHIKARA 3 years after that. It was amazing how fate had lined up the stars for me and I couldnt wait to cherish these special moments.
Unfortunately I will never experience any that. A few days ago I was rushed to the ER because I had callapsed with back pain. It felt as though I was getting stabbed with a hot knife. After several tests it was revealed that a tumor is located in my right kidney. The reports cant indicate whether or not it has spread outside the organ.
The doctors arent confident if the removal of the kidney will completely solve the issue - if it doesn't Id be looking at a future with chemotherapy. Even if everything is successful they have conflicting reports on whether or not Ill ever be able to wrestle again. The fear is if I were to get hit hard enough and damage my only remaining kidney Id be on dialysis for the remainder of my life.
With any luck I'll be cursing, sweating and cutting promos in a town near you in the next few months. Without any luck - I cant even begin to think about. I can live with all the pain in my joints, I can live with my neck in constant strain but I can't seem to accept the fact that I may have to live my life without wrestling. Wrestling is my only escape from reality. If I cant use it to escape this I'm not sure what I am going to do. But I have to figure it out.
I dont want to forget any names so please understand that I thank ALL of you for your continuous support. To everyone that has ever helped with the tumblr, website, t- shirts, music, art designs, bookings etc. An equal admiration appreciation goes out to anyone that has ever been postive about a promo or a match of mine. For any tweet, tag or facebook message I thank you. You will never know how much those little interactions meant the world to me.
I can honestly say Ive tried as hard and had just as much fun with 15 people in the crowd as 1500. If I am truly done I just hope I made our micro wrestling universe just alittle bit better while I was in it. I put off writing this all week because I wasnt sure exactly what to say or how to say it. Than I realized I never will - so I just did it. No words Ill ever type, no epiphany Ill ever think up will justify how much all of you and wrestling mean to me. I love you both with all my heart.